la-zombie-monkey

Pro bono human exotica writer

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You Let Her Drive? by la-zombie-monkey, literature

Voodoo Burlesque by la-zombie-monkey, literature

Literature

Voodoo Burlesque

"For the love of God-" Monroe regretted his choice of words a moment later when his face was slammed down against the dark wood of his piano. Religion and policework just shouldn't mix. "Lily only took off the naffin' veil!" Apparently he had made a worse first impression than he thought as his face bounced one more time into the hard wood. It was just amazing how some people got their panties in a twist over fairly coy burlesque in Las Vegas in 1955. "And it wasn't even the one on her tits!" Monroe noted the disappointed twinge to the protest from the peanut gallery and the answering snort from Lily, silver coins clattering against her thi

Pet Sematary, Cloud Bunnies and French Girlfriends by la-zombie-monkey, literature

Literature

Pet Sematary, Cloud Bunnies and French Girlfriends

Cosenti closed his eyes, inhaled deeply and let the world soak in for a few moments. It was the warmest summer he had the pleasure of being in for twelve years, an ice cold mojito in hand, most of a Triple A cow on his grill, and only a slightest bleep of a threat from Hell regarding his Heaven bent path in the past week. He opened his eyes in time to flip the steaks cooking on his grill, smiling in approval at the healthy amount of char and pressed his thumb into the flesh to see whether they were ready to be put on a preheated plate. A few more minutes would do it. Now he just had to toss the salad and get some clothes on- Cosenti jerked

Enough Naffin' Questions. by la-zombie-monkey, literature

Literature

Enough Naffin' Questions.

"So what are your thoughts on S'an M?" Angus limped for a brief moment as Frank's daughter wrapped herself around his leg, swooping down in the next step to hitch the three year old up on his hip. Oh, the joys of not running through the questions before an interview. Nobody said he had to explain what it meant to the kid riding on his hip. "Not my particular cup of tea, but I can't knock it until I've tried it." He threw his child bearing hip out for Frank to peel his child off of his boss's hip. Angus ignored the set of eyes checking out his ass and slicked his finger under his collar. "Though I think I might like it." Hell, he spent enou

Demon in The Milk Jug. by la-zombie-monkey, literature

Literature

Demon in The Milk Jug.

Cosenti pushed his hand into a oven mitt as his kettle burst into a whistling scream before he tried to flick the burner off with his free hand. It seemed to be welded in place and the flame growing higher. He wiggled it once more as the tightness under his skin returned, giving up with a exasperated sigh as a disembodied voice spoke. "Jarre-" "Wrong incarnation, dumbass." Cosenti snapped at thin air before he snatched his kettle up and poured it into his French press so his chai tea could steep. His irritation born from some demon that he wouldn't piss on if she was on fire messing with his kitchen battled with his manners for a

Just a Fairy Tale. by la-zombie-monkey, literature

Literature

Just a Fairy Tale.

"Come on, you know they check the beds at midnight-" Kurin shoved his cold hands into his coat sleeves and pulled another lungful of smoke into his lungs, teeth digging deep into the root of his cigarette. What was the point of escaping the English private school if the thirteen year old tailing him and trying to be his guilty conscience was freezing in piss poor sneakers. "You know Father Christmas isn't real, right? Along with most fairy tales. Even if he was, he couldn't fill all the good wee' children's stockings in one night. Following me so far?" The kid rocked his head with a chip toothed smile. Kurin's own tongue briefly curled arou

Wisp Round Two. by la-zombie-monkey, literature

A Late Night For Tweez by la-zombie-monkey, literature

Literature

A Late Night For Tweez

Bryce bumped open the swinging door to the kitchen with his hip and tiredly kneaded the bridge of his nose with his free hand. He just couldn't understand why the same old lady came in every day (Usually in the middle of the night), ordered after bossily dismissing Simon, and bitched into Bryce's falsely sympathic ear for five minutes about the food coming out exactly like she ordered it. Hell, he couldn't even blame Simon for bolting in the opposite direction when he saw her coming. Not to mention she got handsy around Bryce's behind after the third Long Island Ice Tea. Lily just snickered when she heard about it. Bryce got a move on with a

WISP Round One by la-zombie-monkey, literature

August 28th 1932 by la-zombie-monkey, literature

Literature

August 28th 1932

"Hey Lunger-" Rannon let out a raspy squeal of fear and felt his back slam back into the wall of coal behind him and his heart hammering fast against his ribs at the shock of Simon appearing out of the darkness. The small light on his his helmet only offered a sickened beam of yellow light into the darkness, and often only the whites of a man's eyes would let him know somebody was standing in front of him. And a smile was no help at all, since the coal dust turned teeth black within ten minutes. Simon grinned apologetically and lightly bumped his palm against the taller man's rib cage before flicking his hand away to scrape a layer of

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You Let Her Drive? by la-zombie-monkey, literature

Voodoo Burlesque by la-zombie-monkey, literature

Literature

Voodoo Burlesque

Pet Sematary, Cloud Bunnies and French Girlfriends by la-zombie-monkey, literature

Literature

Pet Sematary, Cloud Bunnies and French Girlfriends

Enough Naffin' Questions. by la-zombie-monkey, literature

Literature

Enough Naffin' Questions.

Demon in The Milk Jug. by la-zombie-monkey, literature

Literature

Demon in The Milk Jug.

Just a Fairy Tale. by la-zombie-monkey, literature

Literature

Just a Fairy Tale.

Wisp Round Two. by la-zombie-monkey, literature

A Late Night For Tweez by la-zombie-monkey, literature

Literature

A Late Night For Tweez

WISP Round One by la-zombie-monkey, literature

August 28th 1932 by la-zombie-monkey, literature

Literature

August 28th 1932

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Questions and Answers by la-zombie-monkey, literature

Literature

Questions and Answers

Slivin sighed heavily as the drunk hairy man grabbed the lapels of Slivin's suit and jerked him close, almost pulling him into the hot tub as well, a haze of alcohol invading his nostrils when he exhaled, "M-my lad, yous are the most p-prettiest person I've ever m-met with such a c-crappy upbringing.." Slivin winced at the shrill giggle the man produced before he went on, " 'Specially as a waiter." Slivin sighed inwardly, and asked politely "Sir, you're drooling, might I offer you a Kleenex?" He hissed as the man attempted to haul him into the pool, frantically digging his Conversed heels into the wet tile, fighting against the slickness un

Questions and Answers

la-zombie-monkey

About la-zombie-monkey

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Dec 5
Canada
Deviant for 16 years
She / Her

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la-zombie-monkey

Oct 6, 2012

Fighter Not Lover OC Interview: Slivin

0 min read

Rules: 1. Your OC can't touch the interviewer for whatever reason you choose. (:dummy: Theeyyy won't follow this rule~) 2. You may use multiple OCs but it was created with the idea of one OC. 3. This was created for those who have killed. If they haven't killed, get out. 4. Made to test the reactions of OCs, sorry for being so damn impolite! I really am D: 6. IT IS COMPULSORY TO POST THESE RULES. 7. You don't need to tag, that question may be used for extra SASS from your OC towards the most charming interviewer. xP 1. Hey, what's your name? - Slivin J Cadavore. The rest of my middle name just gets more embarassing. 2. How old are yo

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la-zombie-monkey

Jun 15, 2012

Haaaappy Birthday To Me

0 min read

Or something like that! Officially turned 21 today so I can buy booze in the States now! Except for the fact I don't drink except for special occasions, which tends to be Christmas, Birthday, or dinners out. (Captain Morgan Spiced Rum and Rootbeer is the way to go, there.) http://www.chapters.indigo.ca/books/Half-Blood-Blues-A-Novel-Esi-Edugyan/9780887627415-item.html?s_campaign=goo-Books%20By%20Title-P&gclid=CL_npKjR0LACFeUBQAodXDcSVg&cookieCheck=1  and enjoying the hell out of a Emile Henry baking stone I picked up for myself. Killer for pizza, which is actually what I made for breakfast. That and Hazelnut coffee made me a happy girl. Lov

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la-zombie-monkey

Mar 25, 2012

Nightmares about gray hairs.

0 min read

God knows my brain came up with the image of frizzy copper coloured hair with fat wads of gray when I only have twenty or so white hair and the rest is still black, but I think finding them in my comb might have had something to do with it. Nice white, not the thumb of a smoker with a twenty pack a week habit. Annnd I'm sliding into the second week without a working shower, so I'm just about ready to strip the back wood out, replace it, install the taps and the bath kit back in and take a nice twenty minute shower instead of using the bathroom and kitchen sinks for it. Finally got through the year and two weeks anniversary of holding down t